If I Could Just . . .

Fill in the blank: If I could just _____________________________ then I would feel ___________________________. 

I can remember being young, and thinking, "If I could just get married and have my own house, I could do whatever I wanted and be happy."  And then when I got married and had kids, "If I could just have enough money to get a bigger house (we all shared one bathroom), then I would be content."  Then we got a bigger house - and friends got newer and bigger houses. 

But that's the easy stuff.  The harder stuff - the suffering kind of stuff - well it seems to consume us even more. If I could have one more day with my loved one. If I could just get past this cancer, then.... If I could just. 

See - when we make our happiness or contentment or mental state dependent on circumstances or things in this world, we will never be content, or at peace. Because the devil is constantly and strategically planning to take our thoughts captive - and he wants our attention - on anything that isn't of Christ. He wants us drowning in our sorrows, worried, afraid, bitter, hurt, etc. But God would have us trusting, placing our faith in Him for all things. Because when we trust God and His will for our lives - and keep our eyes on Him, we tend to not focus so much on our situation, hurts, and fears. 

A large crowd followed and pressed around him (Jesus). And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched His cloak, because she thought, “If I just touch His clothes, I will be healed.” Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.

At once, Jesus realized that power had gone out from Him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched my clothes?” You see the people crowding against you,”His disciples answered, “and yet you can ask, “Who touched me?”

But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at His feet and, trembling with fear, told Him the whole truth. He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” Mark 5:24-34

When I read these verses, I think about people that seem to have suffered for so long from different things. Sometimes a sickness, sometimes depression, sometimes financial, sometimes fears. We all have “things” that keep us from truly experiencing happiness.

This lady had suffered for 12 years. 12. Years. A long time. Doctor after doctor (we’ve all known people in the situation where they have gone to doctor after doctor). None of them could help her. Now – adding a layer of detail that we don’t typically discuss – but – 12 years of bleeding before there were modern hygiene products and Maytag washing machines – 12 years of it. The series “The Chosen” depicts the woman down by the sea, trying to wash out her clothes. And – remember – women who were bleeding were considered ceremonial unclean as was outlined in Leviticus 15 – so she wasn’t supposed to be around people. If anyone touched her, they would be considered unclean as well. Anywhere she sat or lay, whatever it was she was sitting on – unclean. Anyone who touched something she had touched, unclean. Those people would then have to isolate until the sun went down to become clean again.

So – imagine – she can’t be around people at all without making them unclean. For 12 years. Family gatherings, temple (church), holidays, daily walking the streets, shopping (the horror!!)  no one would have wanted to be around her or take her money or touch her clothes – so not only was she dealing with constant nasty, she was isolated from people. Was she married? We don’t know.

So – this lady – isolated – feeling like the unclean person that she had been labeled – likely lived constantly ashamed and embarrassed.

And – as is the case even today – it was likely that people looked on her and considered her to have done something terrible to be cursed by God.

Then the Bible tells us she had exhausted all of her money trying to find a cure.

12 years of dealing with the yuck, 12 years of being isolated, 12 years of chasing doctors and spending her money, 12 years of feeling ashamed.

I imagine she was at her end. And she learns that Jesus is coming.

And there is this crowd – and being unclean – she would need to push through the people that she wasn’t supposed to be around – and she thought – if I can just touch His garment.

But – if she touches His garment – He would be considered unclean.

But – If she just touches His garment – would He even know? She’s thinking – if I CAN JUST . . . .”

How many times have we thought – “If I CAN JUST…..”. Because we hurt. While we may not be considered unclean or totally isolated from people and family (they may not even be aware!)– our minds can put us in a place far away – uninterested – CONSUMED by whatever that suffering may be.  

If I can just. If I could just be healed. If I could just be loved. If I could just pay bills. If I could just have my loved one back. If I could just feel whole again.

Anybody?

If I could just touch Jesus – maybe – just maybe – my suffering would be gone.

And immediately Jesus realized some of His power had gone from Him. And He asks out loud – “who touched me?”

His disciples are thinking like – seriously? – do you not see all of these people? And you want to know which one person touched you?

Now – Jesus is Jesus – He knows. He knows who it was. He knows what she had dealt with. He knows that she is already healed. He knows that once he publicly addresses her – because she had touched Him – He could be considered unclean. He knows that she has suffered for 12 years. He knows that she has dealt with nasty for 12 years. He knows she has suffered socially and emotionally and mentally and financially. He knows all of it. And He knows she has been restored – so He really could have moved on without making a scene of this. And yet He didn’t.

He wants to restore her beyond the bleeding. He wants to acknowledge her publicly. He wants everyone to know.

But she doesn’t know what to expect. She’s unclean – and she just touched Jesus – and she probably pushed against others to get there. She’s trembling with fear. She could have walked away healed and gone her way. But the same faith that urged her to touch Him – also urged her to confess. She falls at His feet – and tells him all of it.

I imagine tears. For some reason I imagine dirty.  Maybe because of the uncleanness my mind goes to dirty. I imagine exasperation and dreading what the response of the people may be because she has experienced it for 12 years; or even dreading His response. She doesn’t know what to expect. While Jesus knows what will happen next, she does not. But she has faith. 

And then He calls her Daughter. Daughter. Instead of rebuking her for touching Him and making Him unclean or backing away from the uncleanness – He brings her into Himself – Daughter.  Family. Loved.

Your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be free from your suffering.

Now – I need you to get into this woman’s feelings. She’s tired. She’s lonely. She’s weary. She’s broken. Anybody relate?

And she’s been healed. She’s no longer going to deal with all the stuff that she has been dragging for 12 years. It’s over. She’s whole.  And she can go home. She can go to her family, or make friends, and sit at a table and share a meal – and go into the temple and worship the living God.

And everyone sees it. They see Jesus publicly announce she is healed. She is loved. She is His.

Restoration. Bringing back the value of what was once there but had previously been used/broken/blemished. Restoration.

Some of us long for restoration. Psalm 23:3 – He restores my soul.

I keep a small sign in my bedroom. He restores my soul. It’s a promise that I choose to claim. I want restoration from whatever brings me down. Weariness, loneliness, disappointment, fear, anxiety, sadness. Whatever it is – for whatever reason – I want to continuously be reminded that Jesus knows every little detail of why I feel as I do – and He wants to restore my soul. He wants me to feel valued and loved and His.He calls me "Daughter" too.  

When I read these scriptures, I imagine that for some people who know that their suffering is not something that will heal – terminal illness, permanent loss of a loved one, permanent break in a marriage leading to divorce – whatever it is – I imagine some people don’t see a way out of their suffering. And sometimes that thing we suffer from may result in our death – but there is more. Beyond death. Beyond the suffering.

In 2 Corinthians Paul talks about a thorn in his flesh – that he has asked God to remove multiple times – and it remained. And the answer that he got back was “my grace is sufficient”.  I’m enough. What I (Jesus) have is enough. My strength is made perfect in weakness. And Paul determines that when he is weak, then he is strong. Paul made a choice to take this thorn – this suffering – and let it be part of his calling.

Why did Jesus stop and identify this woman instead of just letting her quietly slip away?

She needed more than just physical healing. She needed public restoration. And Jesus wanted EVERYBODY to know that she was no longer unclean. She was treasured. He wanted people to trust Him with their suffering, just as she did. He wanted to use her restoration as an example of hope, promise, and love.

We are all carrying something. Some “thing” that beats us down. That keeps us from flourishing. That keeps us from being everything that God wants us to be – unless we choose to 1) trust Jesus with it. And 2) let it be part of what God calls us to – recognizing His grace is enough.

Some of us need to hear and to believe and then live out “Jesus is enough”. Wipe our faces. Step out into the Son. 

Let “If I could just’ become "I trust God that He will give me exactly what I need" and BELIEVE it. You have to actually act on that faith.  Then we will also be able to  say "He restored me and called me His daughter. (Or son) And I was made whole. “

Blessings,

Annette